Today as I wandered through social media, I saw the hashtag #WellnessWednesday and thought I’d go for it. Last week I talked about how I have lost some weight and feel good about my lifestyle change and how I have found it to be easier with a partner. Most people talk about their physical help for #WellnessWednesday, today I’m going to talk about my mental health.
Here it goes…
Today I got emotional and I talked about it on my InstaStories. I talk pretty openly over there, on the daily, and the reason I feel so comfortable with that is because most of my viewers are women, around my age, mothers, people who I relate to. Yesterday I received messages asking if I was okay, because I wasn’t my usual perky self. I also received a nice video message from a friend telling me she has days like that too and we’re all gonna be okay. Just those words of encouragement and support, and knowing that someone was listening and not just tapping through my videos, was helpful.
So here’s the other thing. Although I would like to openly tell all of you what I got emotional about, I can’t. I am going through a separation and for the most part I’ve been able to avoid dealing with it. Out of state, out of mind, I guess. Until now. Honestly, I wish I could scream from the mountain tops, or my bedroom window, or on a crowded street and tell everyone who can hear, the truth about my failed marriage. But I can’t. I want to tell my side of the story and speak my heart, but I can’t.
Being able to openly talk to someone about life, without judgement is hard to find. Everyone has an opinion or a side of the story they want to choose or turn a blind eye to. Everyone has preconceived ideas of what really went on and although sometimes it can be helpful to hear a different perspective, sometimes I just want to vent. So, talking to someone isn’t really an option for me.
What I can do, is write it out and that’s exactly what I did. I typed as fast as my fingers could go, with tears flowing just as heavy as the rain outside my window and let it all out. All in a document never to be published. I guess it’s therapeutic in a way, kind of like a diary. My goal was to deal with being upset before I picked up my girls from school. My goal was to deal with my own emotions, so that it wouldn’t reflect on my face when they saw me.
Today’s Goal: Accomplished.
I’m going to do my best to be honest here, as honest as I can be I suppose. I hope you all don’t mind a bit of a mixture of entertainment, food, my kids and my personal life, because that’s what you’re gonna get here.