So, this is not my most pleasant post, but I'm gonna try and keep it as real as possible with you from now on. Here it goes... Last night, my husband and I were not arguing, but "communicating" when he blurted out, "You are not a fun person." He wasn't trying to mean. We were discussing how much we've changed over the years and since I always ask him to be honest with me, he was.
To be honest, hearing those words come out of my husbands mouth hit me like a slap to the face, and I cried. But he is right. The sad truth is I am no longer a fun person. Over the course of our marriage we have gone through a lot of ups and downs. Because I am a stay at home mom, I feel like I always have to be "on." I don't want my girls to see me cry or weak, but it is definitely backfiring. Earlier today my 5 year old asked me, "Why aren't you happy like in that picture?" She pointed to a picture of me holding my youngest daughter as a newborn. And although it was a posed picture, it is noticeable to even a 5 year old that mommy is not happy.
We have each changed so much in the last 12 years that we have known each other. Of course, I was 17 when we met so I hope I have changed some, but unfortunately, it seems as though I haven't changed for the better. When I met my husband he was a quiet, shy 18 year old and I was 17 years old and very confident in myself. I loved to laugh and be sarcastic. The person that I have turned into is the complete opposite. I have lost my confidence. I have lost the fun side of me and I don't know why.
The more my husband and I talked, he asked me why do I think I am not happy. I told him I really have no idea. What does he do? He throws Socrates in my face. Does your husband quote ancient philosophers to you? Is this something new to look forward to in my third decade of life?
Obviously, I have a lot of stuff to work on besides building my blog. Please readers, be patient with me while I figure out the key to my happiness.