Did you know that October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. As a stay at home mom that blogs about my girls, whenever I meet new people, and new people meet me, I am always asked the same question. In most circumstances, this question would just be a part of light conversation. But for me, this question hurts my heart each time I get asked, "Don't you want a boy?"
The answer is: I have a son. His name is Gabriel and he is in heaven.
I've written about my son before. My husband and I had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary and were more than ready to bring our first born son home. After an emergency c-section, and without a clue, the doctors discovered that our son had an incurable heart condition. Our son went to be with our Lord in heaven only 13 hours after being born. The amount of time I got to hold him, will never be enough. Not a day passes, where I do not think about my son. Every morning as I walk my daughter into her school, I think of him. He would be in 1st grade this year. Every time I hear his name, Gabriel, my heart aches a little. I will always wonder what kind of boy he would have been.
Although the majority of pregnancies end in beautiful, bouncing, crying babies. The sad truth is, 10-25% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage and 90,000 infants die before their first birthday in the United States. This sort of loss is not easy to talk about and I don't blame people for asking if I want a son, because how could they know that I do have a son, he just lives in heaven.
Although every year I honor my son's name by walking in the March for Babies walk, this year I will also be recognizing Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (PAILRD) on October 15th. On this day we will take part in the global Wave of Light Celebration. As a family, we will light a candle at 7 p.m. and keep it lit for an hour. Around the world, we will be part of a continuous Wave of Light to honor all of the babies and children that are now our angels. My son will be remembered on this day.
One thing that I have found useful on my journey is finding a supportive community. Please feel free to share your feelings in the comment section below. (And, don't forget to light a candle on October 15th, at 7 p.m.)